Joke: The Year’s Best [actual] Headlines Of 2005

Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter[imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says[no, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers[now that’s taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?[not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over[what a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death[no-good-for-nothin’ lazy so-and-sos!]
War Dims Hope for Peace[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile[you think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures[who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide[they may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges[you mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group[weren’t they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft[That’s what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks[They taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead